How to remember what your friends tell you
Matt tells you his job interview is on Monday. You mean to ask how it went. By Thursday you have forgotten there was an interview at all.
This happens to most people, and it has little to do with how much you care. Memory keeps what it uses, and a detail from one conversation rarely gets used again before it fades. The fix is to stop relying on memory for this and use a small habit instead. It has four parts.
Write it down right after
Not during the conversation. Writing in front of someone feels strange for both of you. Do it on the way home, or when you sit down that evening.
Two lines are enough:
- Matt. Interview at the design studio on Monday. Worried about the salary question.
- His brother is moving in with him for the summer.
Write it in their words where you can. You will recognise it faster later.
Keep it under their name
One place per person. If Matt’s interview is in one note, Luke’s move is in a second and Sam’s exam is on a scrap of paper, you will not find any of them when it matters. When everything about Matt is in one place, it takes ten seconds to read before you call him.
Pick a day to ask
This is the step people skip, and it is the one that makes the difference. The interview is on Monday, so the day to ask is Monday evening or Tuesday. Set a reminder for that day with the question written out: “Ask Matt how the interview went.”
Without a date, the note sits there until you happen to read it, which is usually too late.
Read it before you see them
Before a call, a coffee or a dinner, read the last few things they told you. You will walk in with two or three things to ask about, and the conversation starts where the last one ended.
What is worth writing down
- Things coming up: an interview, an exam, a move, a surgery, a trip.
- Names: their kids, their brother, their dog.
- What they are worried about or looking forward to.
- Things they recommended to you.
- Anything you said you would do for them.
You don’t need everything. One or two details per conversation are plenty.
Doing this with what is already on your phone
A note per person in the Notes app and a reminder in Reminders will do the job. Keeping notes about people in the Notes app covers how to set that up and where it starts to strain.
Doing it in Wajed
Wajed is an iPhone journal built around this habit. Each person has a page. You write a few words after you talk, and it lands on their page. If it was a dinner with three friends, the same memory appears on all three pages.
When a memory mentions something like an interview, an exam or a move, Wajed offers to add a follow-up: the question to ask and the day to ask it. On that day you get a notification with the person’s name and the question. Before you reach out, their page shows what to bring up.
There is no account. Your journal stays on your iPhone and backs up to your own iCloud. Wajed is free for up to ten people.
