How to remember names and details of people you meet
A new class, a new job, a new building. For a few weeks you meet more people than you can hold in your head, and the second meeting is the awkward one: he greets you by name and you can’t return it.
Remembering names is mostly a matter of what you do in the first minute and the first hour.
In the first minute
Say the name back. “Good to meet you, Daniel.” Saying it once out loud does more than hearing it three times.
Ask one question and listen to the answer. Where he’s from, what brought him here, what he does on weekends. You are looking for one detail to attach the name to. A name on its own slips away. “Daniel, who restores old bikes” stays.
Use the name once before you leave. “See you next week, Daniel.”
In the first hour
Write three things down while they are fresh:
- The name.
- Where you met.
- One detail.
“Daniel. Tuesday climbing class. Restores old bikes, has a kid starting school in September.”
The place matters as much as the name. Weeks later you often remember where you met someone and nothing else, and the place is how you find the note.
Do this after you have left. Typing notes about someone in front of them is uncomfortable for everyone.
Before you go back
Read your notes for that place before you walk in. Three names and three details take a minute. The second meeting is the one that counts: when you greet someone by name and ask about the bike he was working on, he remembers you too.
If you blank anyway
Say so early and plainly: “Remind me of your name? I remember the bikes.” People forgive a forgotten name much faster when you remember something about them.
Keeping it in one place
Loose notes work until there are too many of them. A few options:
- One note per place (“Climbing class”) with a line per person. Simple, and easy to read before you go.
- One note per person, titled with their name. Better once you start seeing some of them outside that place.
- The notes field on a contact. Fine if you already have their number, awkward if you don’t.
How Wajed handles this
Wajed is an iPhone journal where each person has a page. After you meet someone, you add his name and write a line. You don’t need his phone number or a contact entry; typing the name is enough.
Search finds people and memories by any word, so “climbing” brings up what you wrote about the people from that class. If you put the class in as an event with the people who will be there, Wajed shows you a line about each of them before you go.
Your notes are private. There is no account, the journal stays on your iPhone, and the app can be locked with a PIN and Face ID. Wajed is free for up to ten people.
For what to do with the details once you have them, see How to remember what your friends tell you.
